I suffer from allergies. I have for years. Part of it is physical, and I must confess, part of it has just got to be psychological. I can see a dust cloud coming off a combine during a bean harvest and suddenly feel like I am about to drown in the sheer anticipation of not being able to breath. I've tried lots of things: over the counter pills, prescription pills, sprays of various kinds, ointments and other odds and ends. I just can't breath a lot of days. And I can attest that when it takes a lot of effort to breath you really just do not feel like doing anything else.
I've told people that the surest way to be able to breath clearly for a short period of time is to have someone punch you in the nose. Its true. It really is. But have you seen a boxer with a broken nose right after a fight? Its kind of hard to get a date with a broken nose when you are not a boxer. Technically I'm not too sure how that works out for a boxer either.
Anyhow, nothing works for me. Not much anyhow. So I carry a bottle of Afrin around with me. The extra strength extra large bottle about the size of a canteen. I typically mix the Afrin with a good dose of saline. Its my nod to the fact that the bottle says you shouldn't use it for 4 months or more. I figure if you water it down that might lengthen the time period you can take it. My doctor disagrees but she hasn't found a solution for me either.
Today I went to the store to look for a new spray bottle. I decided long ago that I like an atomizer better than the gel or the routine bottle that Afrin comes in that just streams water at you - and I lost my old one so I needed a new one. It is hard to put saline in an Afrin bottle. Once you take the top off of the Afrin bottle it never stays together well after that. I've tried. I look funny with half of an Afrin bottle shot up my nose under pressure. It feels kinda like having a marble shoved up your nose.
I tried the marble thing once to show my kids it was a bad idea. They had been sticking things in their noses so I needed to try and teach them not to do stupid things. My oldest thought it was kind of funny and wanted to touch it. She was three at the time and inquisitive. So, since it was at the end of my nose and sticking halfway out I thought, "Sure. Why not? She's just a bit curious." The little brat shoved the marble up my nose so far it got stuck and I couldn't blow it out.
Picture a 38 year old father-of-two looking in the rearview mirror of his car in a Walgreens parking lot having just purchased a pair of tweezers to pull a marble out of his nose while his two kids are laughing their little asses off in the back seat. Yeah, it was that kind of day. I think I learned the lesson that day though. It turns out that you can't predict what a little kid is going to do.
So today I found myself preemptively looking for a solution to my allergy problems before they got bad. I picked up a box of Afrin and another bottle that I could dump out and fill with Afrin. I paid for them and a few hours later I was standing in my basement like a junkie looking at the bottle of nasal spray I just spent 10 minutes trying to open so that I could dump it out. Then, like any good junkie I thought, "Huh, I haven't tried this stuff before. I wonder if it works ..."
So I pulled off the cap and sprayed it in the air to prime the pump. Because thats what you do. Every good Afrin junkie knows you have to prime the sprayer a little bit. Once it had a good spray going I noticed that I had a little on my finger since the first spray went odd. Lazy, I licked it off, noting that the smell of the liquid was familiar as well as the taste. I couldn't place the smell though. Then I quickly sprayed the concoction in the bottle up both of my nostrils before starting to cuss up a storm in my basement.
I remembered the smell then as the burning sensation coursed through my head. That smell was the faint residue of pepper spray wafting through the air after a demonstration I had done at a college event to show other students how to use the spray. There had been a light breeze that day and we all caught a good dose of the spray. Enough anyhow to demonstrate to everyone that no one wanted to be sprayed directly by pepper spray. I had just intentionally sprayed what smelled and reacted like pepper spray up my nose. On purpose and in quantities that I might have skipped entirely had I known just what I was doing.
For those of you that have not smelled pepper spray before, I suggest that you run to your nearest Pizza Hut. Open one of those little glass jars of pepper flakes and take a good whiff of that. Pepper spray is like that, only more so. And when its sprayed up your nose directly it produces a burning sensation like few other things I know of.
I quickly looked at the bottle. There was nothing on it that looked out of order. When I looked at the box it looked normal. Something about sinus relief? Check. Works fast? Check. Awesome little atomizer spray bottle, no gel? Check. Funny little picture of a chili pepper on the front of the box? Check. Wait . . . WTF?
Yeah, I know. All guys say they read the magazine and don't look at the pictures. Fact of the matter is I do. I read. As a true techie nerd pictures are interesting to my brain if, and only if, my brain has trouble wrapping itself around the words on the page or screen. And only then if my brain has registered something as odd or confusing. So . . . I read the box and didn't look at the pictures. No where on the box did it say, "WARNING! Use of this product is similar to intentionally shooting pepper spray up your nose. Please reconsider this choice before doing something stupid. blah blah blah. And we are filming your reaction because this is going on YouTube in the morning. Your consent is acknowledged by opening this package."
Seriously, I should have read that on the box. It should have been there. As I finished looking at the box I realized the burning was decreasing and to my amazement I was able to breath. More than hour later I can still breath. This stuff is amazing and OMG what a rush. But seriously, I can freaking breath! And I haven't done that well for a month.
I went upstairs and tried to get my wife to try it. She's not as much of a lab rat as I am I suppose. We looked it up though. The ONLY active ingredient is the same as in pepper spray.
If you can't find the product I've described. Try the easy to find alternative found at any good Walmart and AutoZone. Pepper spray will clear your sinuses quickly too I guess. If you can't make it to Walmart find a willing college student to pepper spray you and inhale deeply. Let me know how it works. But keep your eyes closed though and smile knowing that at least your nose will not be broken.