I set out this week to deliver an IT solution. Technically I just set out to watch someone else deliver an IT solution, cross my fingers and hope for the best. A friend of mine challenged me to use my time productively instead of watching VINE compilations online.
Did you know that these VINE posts that have limits of a few seconds are sometimes strung together in a "best of" sequence? Then someone goes through on the checkyourbrainatthedoorvideostreamingservice.com and connects these sequences into playlists. I've found some that can run for hours and hours and hours. But after five hours of six second twerking videos even I get bored and need a break. So I took the challenge.
But I'm kind of "lippy." So when they asked me what I was going to do instead I replied something like "end world hunger" or something asinine like that. But now I'm on the hook to actually do it because I said I would.
I've always told those that I mentor that I never cared if they said something wrong in a meeting. For example if a client asks, "Does your product come with flying monkeys?" and the junior consultant says yes in a meeting, I am just fine with this. My only demand is that when the meeting is over that the junior consultant verifies the veracity of their statements and makes them all true. If it is not true it is solely the consultant's responsibility to make it true before the client figures out that it is not. If a consultant can't deliver on promises made to a client they aren't worth hiring. If you already hired them then they need to complete some sort of seppuku. I typically offer them the knife to use.
No one expects what the sales person says to be true. We all give them a 37.2% margin of error ( this percentage varies by region, product, and gross sales numbers of the individual ). If the sales person said that the software came with flying monkeys and talking pigs and it turned out that it wasn't true everyone would be ok with it. As long as the other 62.8% of what they said is true. However, a consultant must deliver. It is the rule. Consultants that cannot deliver don't get hired again. Sales people that over promise are generally considered visionaries or idea men ( or women ). Its not fair for the rest of us. Consultants are also partially responsible for ensuring that the salesperson never reaches his 37.2% failure rate. I know. I've used a hot glue gun to attach wings to little piggies and tossed them off a balcony to see if any could learn to fly before a meeting.
So I left the office last Saturday with the goal of ending world hunger because I'll be a flying monkey's uncle before I fail to deliver.
I left and hung out in the city with some of the homeless people after dark. Most are pretty nice. A few talked to themselves. Technically I think they were talking to themselves. But really they told me that they were talking to someone standing next to me that I wasn't able to see, touch, or hear ( but then again angels can do that sort of thing ). But typically the conversations seemed captivating.
Later in the evening, one guy started yelling at me to get away and that I didn't belong there. It was clear that he wanted me to leave. He was wearing brightly colored clothes that were mismatched and he looked to have missed more than a few baths. I thought he was totally nuts. And it must have shown through my typical calm demeanor because he started yelling louder and more frantically as I stood there frozen in front of this poor helpless guy that was clear suffering from some sort of dementia. I was frightened out of my mind when he got close enough and grabbed my arm.
He started shoving me around too. I just knew this was going to be a bad day when I looked up and other people were running toward us looking just as rough and just as crazy as this man that was still yelling at me. When some guy ran up in uniform and carrying a gun to save me I was thrilled. That is, until he cuffed me and walked me off.
It turns out that this grimy, wild eyed, demented guy yelling at me was really just a construction worker and I had wandered into an active construction site at night while they were pouring concrete. I suppose that I shouldn't wear noise canceling headphones when walking in strange cities like a tourist.
So the crazy guy wasn't so crazy after all, and when I told them I had wandered into the construction site doing research on how to end world hunger I think they thought I was pulling their leg. It took me the rest of the night to talk my way out of going to jail and I almost missed my morning meetings.
The next day I went back to it after work. I went to the only restaurant open downtown and bought as many meals as I could afford on my debit card. It turns out that I still have a daily spending limit. So I had all the meals packed to go and started passing out bags of food to people milling around that evening. After about 20 minutes I had passed out all the food I had and walked back to my hotel to reflect on my success. My $400 a day spending cap doesn't seem to go very far when buying dinners at the Hard Rock Cafe. But all and all it seemed like a successful evening. The people I passed hot meals to seemed to really enjoy steak dinners. I decided though that I should buy meals during the day at a location that was cheaper. There are lots of open dining locations during the day.
So I went to a local place to get breakfasts to pass out on the street. My $400 spending limit went a lot farther today when buying breakfast tacos and coffee. The cooks at the place seemed a little perturbed when I ordered all those tacos though. When I left with 350 tacos and coffee it was more than I could carry. I looked around, found and ask a couple guys for help distributing the tacos. They agreed to help if they could eat too. I handed them the tacos and coffee and they ran took off on the mission I had given them. As they rounded the corner I could tell from the smiles on their faces that helping their fellow human beings had filled them with warmth and happiness. Little did they know that this little exercise would change their lives forever and inspire them to give back to the community the same way I was doing.
As I looked down at the last breakfast taco I was holding in my hand I could feel the warmth of the eggs pulsing into the palm of my hand. My mouth started to water and just then I saw a young boy standing 15 feet away staring at my breakfast. I saw the hunger and desire in his little eyes and decided that I'd give him the taco. I walked over and asked if he wanted it and he just nodded. But when I gave him the taco he ripped it open and took a huge bite. He ran off down the street as he yelled "thank you!" over his shoulder. It has been a great morning.
As I walked back into the taco house and ordered breakfast for one I felt a sense of pride and joy that had been missing from my life for some time. When I swiped my debit card to pay for my breakfast the card came back declined.
Apparently you can only buy so many tacos in one day.
Being an activist is tough work. And I can't buy any more food until midnight. Its going to be a long day.